Making Graceful Transitions
By: Jill Mazza, MABC, CPC
Transitions in our personal and professional lives are inevitable. Whether we are choosing to make a change – or if change is being thrust upon us – we can either resist or embrace the experience. How we choose to manage emotions and behavior during the tides of change determines the degrees of meaning, satisfaction, and success we achieve.
Everyone we know and meet is in some stage of transition at any given time. Some transitions are more significant than others. Life-changing events such as relocating, starting a new job or business, choosing to end a relationship, or to take a relationship to the next level can be some of the most exciting and fun times in our lives. Yet, there are often normal and natural degrees of anxiety that accompany major change.
Transitional periods can feel like being on an emotional roller coaster. Feeling stressed out and emotionally overwhelmed by change makes us more susceptible to taking things personally. Minor things can set us off. A well-intended comment or question from a loved one or colleague during a sensitive transitional period can trigger underlying insecurities, self-doubt, and trepidation that can manifest as emotionally reactive and defensive behavior. Before we know it, we have created more stress for ourselves by straining an important relationship. We snap at our colleague or boss, lash out at a friend, or push a loved one away as our ego attempts to protect us and control what feels like emotional chaos. To the contrary, this is anything but being in control. This is choosing to be controlled by fear. Major transitions are difficult enough without adding needless emotional regret, embarrassment, and wasted time and energy. What to do?
Coaching Transition
Transitions are a process – as is coaching. Clients come to coaching for help in preparing for and working through transitional periods. In a safe and non-judgmental coaching space, clients step outside their daily roles and responsibilities to proactively manage emotions while planning constructive, interpersonal communication strategies during transitions and beyond. Consider the following tips:
Step 1: Listen to Your Feelings
Let your feelings come up and sit with them for a while. Emotions give us valuable information about what we really want. Is the nervousness you feel about taking that new job simply natural apprehension about work responsibilities you know deep down you will master over time? Or, are you experiencing a deeper anxiety indicating you may be taking this job for reasons that are out of alignment with your core values?
Step 2: Express Yourself
Express yourself in a controlled, clear, and confident manner so that you stay balanced emotionally, maintain integrity, and deepen the quality of important relationships. Shutting people out and internalizing feelings creates resentment and fuels conflict. Telling your romantic partner that you love him or her yet still feel anxious about moving in together is healthy for the relationship. Are you naturally apprehensive because you have never shared a living space with someone before? Or, are you feeling anxious because you are unsure about where the relationship is headed and fear you may not be right for each other?
Step 3: Give Yourself a Break
Stop being so hard on yourself. You are entitled to feel what you are feeling, including feeling conflicted. You can be happy, yet apprehensive and anxious at the same time. It is important to determine how much of your inner conflict is self-imposed, fear-based, misdirected, and unnecessary. Is the nervous anxiety you are experiencing around your impending divorce a normal reaction after 15 years of marriage, even though you know you are making the best decision for you? Or, does your anxiety represent a deep-rooted fear of being alone that could stop you from having the life and relationship you really want? Face your fears. Redirect your energy to work for, not against you.
© 2012 Jill Mazza. All Rights Reserved.