Increasing Emotional Fitness in Healthy Relationships
By: Jill Mazza, MABC, CPC
How healthy are your relationships? How emotionally ‘fit’ are you as a partner? Being emotionally fit in relationships is much like being physically fit. We work out to keep our bodies in shape. We do cardio to burn calories, lift weights to strengthen muscles, and stretch to gain flexibility. My favorite fitness coach begins workouts in the gym by shouting, “Let’s work it out!” Being emotionally fit and maintaining healthy relationships also require us to work things out.
Relationship workouts require a commitment to working on our selves in our relationships – together with our partners. We must consistently exercise effective communication skills and build emotional muscles to achieve the results we say we want. When emotional fitness fades and communication skills weaken, the health of our relationships and our quality of life suffer.
Relationships are mirrors for our emotional fitness levels. Medard Boss, Swiss psychotherapist who helped build the concept of existential psychology said, “Remember that existence consists solely in its possibilities for relationships.” Relationships are opportunities to work on our emotional weaknesses and universal issues like fear, shame, and insecurity in communication with our partners. We can also develop core strengths like our capacity to balance autonomy with the desire to connect with others, our courage to be vulnerable, and our ability to trust and love deeply.
Everyone has issues. Healthy relationships are places where we can work on our selves – and work out issues. We don’t come to relationships with nothing to work out. Once part of a relationship dynamic, we discover we have more self-work to do than we initially thought. Learning about our selves through a mate, family member, friend, or colleague while healthfully and effectively communicating are sure signs that we are working these relationships and exercising our emotional fitness to maximum capacity.
Relationship Workout Tips:
- Express yourself and set boundaries. Respectfully letting our partners know who we are and what we want gives them the chance to meet our needs with clear direction.
- Raise awareness around the broad range of communication styles. Discuss how different styles compliment each other and provide learning opportunities that deepen and empower relationship dynamics.
- Pay attention to how relationships look and feel so that you can proactively manage and shape the results you want. Just like going to the gym regularly, try setting specific times each week to work on – and work out – your relationship with your partner.
© 2012 Jill Mazza. All Rights Reserved.